Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
