party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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