Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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