look no pants
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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