yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
