I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Im part way to drunk.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize