i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I will be naked everywhere
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
