The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
