im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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