so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
