also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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