It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
