Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
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