saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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