Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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