I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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