oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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