Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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