Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
