I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
