jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
