Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
