so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
