hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
