Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
