I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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