What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize