guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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