Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
