my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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