if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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