I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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