Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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