the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
