Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
