She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
