True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So much rum. So many feels.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
