So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
