That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
