who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
