i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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