I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize