Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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