I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Randomize
