I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My balls are so social today.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize