I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
