Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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