He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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