Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
