i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize