fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
