someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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