does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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