So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize