honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
