I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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