Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
