how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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