full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
