I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
