1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
