I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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