Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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