I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I can text with my tongue
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
