Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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