He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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