He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
