Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
