wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
