Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
