You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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