What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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