someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
