Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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