ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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