Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
