She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
