That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
