she was so not down for the gang bang
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Michael Bay diarrhea
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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