I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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