people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize