Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
