omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
