i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
