Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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