u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Please don't give away my fajitas
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