ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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