there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
