Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
and she was petting her beer can
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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