We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
