they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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