Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
