Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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