you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
