new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
