cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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