that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize