Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
