That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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