I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
