i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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