I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
