Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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