went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
