No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
