He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
