Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
