So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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