I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize