my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
